Challenges and Opportunities of Middle Adulthood

It's a smiley face! There really isn't a reason for this picture...it's just happy. 

Between the ages of 40 and 65, both males and females tend to have an adjustment to make. These 25 years are described by Brother Williams as Generativity vs. Stagnation. Generativity is the opportunity option of these years, while stagnation is the other option one can take--the challenges. 

There are a few things that come with these 25 years, including, oddly enough, both challenges and opportunities! 

• An empty nest: everyone is gone. Often at this time in life, all of the children are grown up and out of the house, leaving the parents to re-get to know each other and fall in love all over again.
• Financial stability: retirement is looming. During the latter part of these years, the working partner (one or both) are starting to work out financial details and getting close to retirement.
• Travelling/hobbies: the beauty of being alone. All of the children have left the house, and along with that comes the ability travel or work on hobbies that they haven't had the opportunity to in the past. 
• Divorce: the probability skyrockets. A challenge that comes with this age is that often couples divorce because of all of the changes that take place.
• Body changes: it's hard to get used to sometimes. Women start going through menopause, and men start going through their "mid-life crisis," also based around emotional changes. 

There are many other challenges and opportunities that come with this stage in life, but it that would just make this post way too long. The trick is taking on the opportunities and defeating the challenges. Good luck, everybody, with middle adulthood! 

kthanksbye

Tips and Tricks to Parenting

Parenting. It's kind of funny that I'm writing about parenting this week. . .it's not like I have ANY experience with being a parent. Because I don't. Anyway, we did learn a  couple of interesting things about parenting in my class which I am now going to share with the world. 

I am going to teach you about three facts that are important to know about when maintaining a strong relationship but also still keeping to the responsibilities of a parent. They are:

1. Consequences. A lot of the time, parents aren't sure when or how or what to do for disciplining their children. They don't want to be too harsh, but at the same time, they don't want to be too lenient either. Here are a couple of tips about consequences.
   
   Natural consequences are going to come on their own. Depending on the circumstance, sometimes it's best to simply sit back and allow your child to have the natural consequences. However! If the within the situation the natural consequence is too dangerous, too far in the future, or affects other people, then do not allow them to follow through.
   
   Logical consequences are given directly by the parent. These involve straight-forward, simple actions that the parent takes to show the child that what they did was not okay. The problem with logical consequences is that parents tend to "punish" the child, which then instills negative feelings towards the parent. There is a balance when it comes to coming up with a logical consequence. The trick is to find something that logically makes sense. For example, if the child is late for curfew, perhaps a logical consequence could be that they do not get to go out the next night. 
2. Telling your child what to do. Often parents have this mentality that they are the boss and they get to tell their children what to do and when to do it. And you are! But again, it's all about balance. Especially when it comes to adolescents and teenagers. They like to believe they are independent and can choose their own paths in life, which is okay for them to think. For you, it is important to remember to make polite requests, rather than just telling the child what to do all of the time. Turning your command into a question makes them think that it is them being kind and generous. If they turn you down, turn it into a firm request. Keep it at a request rather than a demand at all times, which keeps them thinking they are in control.
3. Always ENCOURAGE your children. No matter what they do or how sassy they are becoming,  encourage them to be good. Encourage them that they can do what they want with their life. Encourage them to be social. Encourage them to get good grades. Encouragement is something that can keep a relationship positive, even when it seems as if it is going completely downhill. So above all else, remember to always always always encourage your child to be the person they want to be. 

Being a parent is difficult. But I believe with the right amount of faith and right amount of help, your children will turn out just fine. They will be great, just like their parents. 

kthanksbye

Daddy's Roles in the Family

Dads. Dads are wonderful. My dad is a huge part of my life, and I am extremely close to him in many ways. Often in society today people tend to lean towards the thought that dads are no longer necessary to raising a child. I'm going to talk about the different roles that fathers have in the family that make them not only a requirement, but a privilege to have. 

1. Dads have the role to teach

There are some skills and different tidbits of knowledge in life that simply cannot be taught by a mother, especially if there are sons in the family. Testosterone, the dominant hormone in males, is not something that can be truly understood by a female. The father teaches control and understanding to his sons when it comes to this part of him. 

2. Dads have the role to be an example

Again, aimed mostly towards the sons in the family, fathers need to show their sons how to be a male. How to act, what to say, what to like, and all of the things that come with being a "man." This knowledge cannot be taught by a mother, no matter how hard she might try. It can be learned eventually, but that might be more pain than it's worth. 

3. Dads have the role to provide

Mothers are nurturers. They love, comfort, protect, help, and so many other things. Their children are dependent on them in so many ways. However, it is mostly the man's role in the family as the provider. Sure, the mom can help too, but the father is and should be the main provider in the home. 

There are so many other reasons why fathers are so important in a child's life. Unfortunately, I do not have adequate space to write and write about how wonderful fathers are, so you might just have to take it from me. Dads are awesome!! My dad is one of my best friends, and I am exactly like him. This is one reason why my heart breaks every time I hear of another child born out of wedlock, or because the girl was drunk or just plain stupid. Fathers are a necessary and significant part of a child's life, and that role must not be taken lightly. 

I understand that in some situations, having a father-figure in the home is impossible. But if we are healthy, married, and have children, then keep that father close, not only for your sake, but for the sake of your children. 

Props to DADS everywhere!!

kthanksbye

Communicating Through Counsel

One of the problems that appears quite often in relationships is that of communication.  When we have a problem, we tend to close up and hide it, pretending as if nothing is wrong.  Unfortunately, miscommunication often destroys relationships and causes distrust, divorce, and dislike.  The best option always is to just be honest with each other. However, there are some solutions to miscommunication within relationships that we can discuss.  This time, I am only going to expand upon one, extremely effective--if used correctly--solution to communication problems.

We will be discussing what is called the "counsel method."

The first step in understanding the counsel method is understanding how communication actually works.  It is easiest to understand through a feedback loop. A feedback loop consists of four "shapes," each leading to the next. It starts out with out thoughts/feelings. We then "encode" these thoughts into something visibly or audibly portrayed, such as speech or body language. This physical "media" must then be "decoded" by the person receiving the media. It is decoded into specific thoughts/feelings in that person's mind, bringing us in a full circle. This is how communication with anyone or anything happens. 

Someone said somewhere that we must "Communicate so clearly that not only can we be understood, but that we cannot be misunderstood."

The counsel method provides a way for us to decode the messages we are receiving effectively as well as encode our own thoughts in order to send a message effectively. What is the counsel method?  The counsel method is when the person starting out with the specific thought talks or "counsels" with his/her respective family members in order to make an executive decision. Sometimes the counsel method is only between husband and wife; sometimes it contains all of the children as well. It all depends on the decision.

The trick with the counsel method is to remember that it is not each family member sharing their opinion on the matter. It is each family member counseling with God and then with each other what they think God would say is best for the family at that time. We are trying to find the best solution, not the solution that is most attractive. God has the best plan for each of our lives, so if we heed to what He would have us do, we will reap the most happiness. 

kthanksbye